


"Fuckton of Cats"

by nonbinarywithaknife (littleboxes)



Series: me sobbing about critical role [84]
Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV), Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cats, Crossover, Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 08:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18587653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboxes/pseuds/nonbinarywithaknife
Summary: [CALEB]It’s come to thisI knew it wouldSince I’m nowAlone for good





	"Fuckton of Cats"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bispeedsters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bispeedsters/gifts).



> your lovely comment inspired me to finish this one that's been sitting in my drafts forever

[CALEB]

It’s come to this

I knew it would

Since I’m now

Alone for good

 

I know just what

I gotta do

I gotta go get myself

A fuckton of cats!

 

[JESTER, YASHA, BEAU]

A fuckton of cats!

 

[CALEB]

A fuckton of cats!

 

[JESTER, YASHA, BEAU]

Way too many cats!

 

[CALEB]

When you’re a permanent vagabond

It’s mandatory that you go out and get

A fuckton of cats!

 

Oh yeah!

 

I walk myself down to the lonely wizard cat store

The smell is overwhelming inside

The future smell of my coat

It’s the smell of my dreams that have died

 

I walk up to the cat shelf

Where the cats are labelled big and small

The sales lady asks, “Is there one you like?”

And I state, “I’ll take them all!”

I want a fuckton of cats!

 

[FRUMPKIN]

Meow! A fuckton of cats!

 

[CALEB]

Gimme a fuckton of cats!

 

[FRUMPKIN]

Meow! A fuckton of cats! Meow!

 

[CALEB]

The sales lady’s pumped

She’s closing early

And heading home to her sad house in the tillage

Filled with her own fuckton of cats!

 

[FRUMPKIN]

Meow, meow, meow

 

[CALEB]

That she got at a discount

 

[FRUMPKIN]

Meow, meow, meow

 

[CALEB]

‘Cause she works at the cat store

 

[FRUMPKIN]

Meow, meow, meow

Meow, meow, meow

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow

 

Why have cats, over time, become

Synonymous with loneliness?

We gotta work on our collective image

We need a new town crier

 

The ironic part is we’re not that friendly

If you’re lonely, we might make it worse

Also, we sleep, like, sixteen hours a day

Have you considered getting a (blink) dog?

 

[CALEB]

Nope! I want a fuckton of you guys!

  
  


[FRUMPKIN]

Okay, we warned you

  
  


[CALEB]

A fuckton of cats!

 

[FRUMPKIN]

We’re gonna ruin your coat!

 

[CALEB]

There’s a lot of evidence that

Organisms in cat poop make you crazy

 

[FRUMPKIN]

Yes, we heard that story from the town crier

And then we peed on the town crier

 

[CALEB]

But I still want a fuckton of cats!


End file.
